Car Ettiquette

While riding my bike to work, I have learned many news things. As a car driver you also learn things.

You know when you are driving a car and your about to turn left. You have probably been waiting for five whole minutes. You finally get a chance to turn and a biker rapes you. 

I am that guy. 

You start cursing and want to run them over. I feel your rage. I have had the same feelings and experience.

please don't kill me.....

Viking metal - A short history lesson

Vikings + Metal = Joyous Music,

 Lets delve into History!

Vikings by definition were total bad asses that killed shit and had cool boats. They were fierce warriors and the most bad ass warriors had full suits of armor. If you weren't a bad ass warrior you only carried a spear. Bows were not considered honorable, They liked killing people up close.

If you are killed being a bad ass you go to Valhalla. Valhalla is like heaven but much cooler. They resurrect you to fight in the final battle against evil. Ragnarok is a suicide mission and the whole earth is born anew. That may or may not sound awesome (it could be worse.)

Fun fact - Mead is a viking drink.....go buy some!

Metal is a form of music. Its generally fast, technical, and angry.

Lets put these two things together!

wait for it......AWESOME!

Vikings would have taken over If they had the power of metal. It would make them berserkers and they would have destroyed the world.

Iron Man poop

You know when you have to go really bad? Its like an epic force waiting to expunged from your body. Here is a way to make it more entertaining. You should just pretend that your Iron Man shooting lasers out his is
hands.

Hold your palm facing out and grab your wrist with your other hand....then boom blast the lasers!

Just about any super hero works. You could also put your hand out like Spiderman or if you are super serious try acting like your transforming to Super Saiyan 4 from Dragon Ball Z.



Tip of the day - Riding a bike in the wind sucks.

Googling medical stuff

Just a word of warning...NEVER, EVER GOOGLE MEDICAL STUFF...

You will just scare yourself.......I will provide an example

Frank has a cough, Frank google's cough...........google....results.....

You have Australian death flu! The only known cure is drinking natural root beer for 17 days or cutting off your own leg!

or the smart answer

Just go to the doctor and don't over react (that never happens)

Tip of the day - Every time you Google health things you will trick yourself into believing you're dying.

Personalized License Plates

I hate personalized license plates. For some stupid reason I cannot decipher them. They could be incredibly easy to understand but my mind cannot put it together (I would be horrible at Wheel of Fortune.) I have discussed this idea with a friend and he thought it would be brilliant to just make a nonsense Personalized Plate.

Just throw in some vowels, letters and some numbers and presto! you have created a personalized plate

8RGH4VE

You now have the satisfaction of knowing that your screwing with people because they will be angry when they cannot decipher your bullshit license plate.

Fruit stickers

When you buy fruit there is a little sticker that helps the cashier know how much to charge you. It has a little code on it. I had an odd thought when I was washing my apple today. What if all the nasty bacteria, poop, animal matter, etc was underneath that damn sticker? Did you ever think about that?

Some day someone will die or get sick from not removing the sticker from the fruit. It will have nasty poop thumb print under it!

You have been warned!

Stealing

When I was five I tried to steal some baseball cards by putting them in my pants. My mom figured it out and I had to confess to the person at the register. It was a very scary experience and I never tried to steal anything again.

This sorta relates but somebody stole my tires within the last few days......and they should die.

I wish I had the skills of Liam Neeson in Taken

Me -  "I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you"

Person that stole my tires  - "Good Luck"

Good luck indeed.....

Love songs

You notice that in most love songs the singer will do absolutely anything to make things work. This includes fighting, giving something up, killing oneself, etc upon etc. I was wondering how far somebody would take this logic. Bruno Mars sings about jumping on a grenade for a chick. He would blow himself up and that is romantic. I bet that he would not eat a fresh dog turd for the women he loves. That would be gross. There is a fine line between being heroic and being gross.

Meatloaf stated it best " I would do anything for love but I won't do that" ......and he is talking about eating a dog turd.

SWM - straight white male

This seems to be a pretty contentious term lately. People on "some" new's sites are up in arms because apparently this would be the easiest difficulty level in real world speak (well if the world were a video game.) It makes me wonder what difficulty setting would appear after this and what ethnic group would be the legendary setting.

If the real world plays anything like the first Ninja Gaiden game for Xbox being the easiest level of difficulty is no cake walk. I would hate to be compared to the master ninja setting. 

Personally I think that being a Unicorn would be the easiest difficulty setting because who fucks with a unicorn.

The hardest setting would be called Bill Paxton because he gets killed in every movie he basically stars in.

Bear attack survival tactics.....sometimes.....

My bear survival tactic is a catch 22 but it would almost always end with good results.

Step one: There must be 2 people ( no more no less, this is counting you.)

Step two: Once you see the dangerous violent meat hungry huge bear you have to push the other person down so they fall on the ground. You will start running away.

One of two things will happen at this point -

The bear will chase after you and you might be mauled to death.

or

The bear will eat your companion

If the bear eats you, you will be a hero and the other person will think that you saved them. If they die you will still be alive. It's a win win situation! (unless you have a moral conscience or they survive.)

I won't get into the "they survive" scenario that would just be a mess......

This is just a blog to write my random thoughts about life, the world, politics and shenanigans. I hope to post one random thought every day. So stayed tuned!